It has been a little more than five months since I have
posted on my blog. I have quite been busy with school and work but now I am in
spring break. Apologies for the delay.
I have spoken of my young atheism and my pursuit of
spiritual experiences. My pursuit of these experiences led me to become very charismatic.
But there are similarities and differences between Pentecostal churches and
Charismatic ones. I will probably discuss these two belief systems in a future
post. But I did begin to pursue experiences that were not quite common in
Pentecostalism.
Outside of healing and speaking in tongues I began to desire
for visions and prophecies. I wanted to feel this euphoric sensation. I sought
these experiences through things outside scripture, the church, and the Christian
religion overall such as to music and meditation. I would listen to trance
(electronic) music and “worship” music that constantly repeated the melody over
and over again. I would close my eyes and let my mind to get lost in the music.
Other times I would ask God for “revelation.” I was so embedded in this idea
that I elevated it higher than the scriptures.
There was also the laying of hands. Every time the pastors of the church I attended at the time would make an altar call I would want them to pray for me. They would lay their hands on me I would be overwhelmed by emotion. I loved the feeling.
This began to slowly stop when I began to go to
college. In my first year of college I was challenged by individuals of a
specific group, the International Church of Christ (ICC). I had no idea who
they were at that time but in that moment they seemed great. One of the young
men of the group invited me to a bible study. His approach was very friendly
and I decided to attend this bible study. The one who taught was another young
man. He spoke about being obedient to God referencing to the story of Jonah. After
the study I conversed with them and agreed to have more bible studies with
them.
The bible studies were more about them trying to
indoctrinate me in their way of thinking. I did not know it at that specific
moment but they were trying to covert me to their church. While I had these studies
with them I began to studying my bible and hear sermons. I would then hear a
sermon that would change my way of thought. It was by Paul Washer and the
sermon was given the title, “The Shocking Youth Message.” After Washer, I
discovered two other men that impacted my life: Francis Chan and David Platt.
The Gospel became so real that it brought me to repentance again. But I still
went to meet with the ICC.
It became suspicious when they wanted me to have a
more personal discussion. This time it was a discussion on salvation. When they
told me that I had to be baptized again under their church in order to be saved
I grew very silent. I said nothing throughout the whole time I was with them. I
began to analyze everything they said with what little scripture I knew. My
mind became filled with questions and I knew they were wrong. I told them I
would think about what they said and I left.
This was the moment where I returned to my skepticism.
I did not go back to question the existence of God but more specifically I
wanted to know what the bible said about salvation. My journey in discovering
the meta-narrative of the bible began. But I still seemed be a Charismatic.
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